There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime. - Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
I reread what I wrote yesterday and was astounded at my ability to both understate and overstate what's going on all in one go. I was trying not to be self-indulgent and overshare, which meant I missed out a lot of a context. The heart of what I was trying to say is that I still haven't learnt that when I feel well it won't last and I can't make promises and commitments that assume it will. Letting my own discomfort at admitting my physical limitations reach the point where it endangers other people is letting it go too far. I've been very slow at learning this, and doubt I'll ever master it, but one can always improve? Right?
The blog is meant to be, well, a scent of water. A refreshment, an inspiration. The times it is most that to me is when I have a collection of beautiful photos that I love seeing all in a row. And when I'm just writing nothing much about my day. When is it most something refreshing to you? What sort of posts could you happily never see again, and what would you hate to see go? There's no point putting time and effort into something that only has meaning to me, I may as well write a diary. I'm even considering closing down this blog with all its years of baggage and expectations, and starting afresh under a new name, just to leave the ghosts of the past 7 years to rest in peace. I don't know. It's all up for grabs.
I'm doing this for everything in my life, absolutely everything. Well, not the kids, they can stay. And the husband. And all the people. But everything else...
Hey, here's a piece written by a woman about my age who is dying of (living with) cancer. It's not unbearably sad. It's not blindly optimistic. It's worth a read, whatever struggles you face, and we all have them don't we? I've been thinking about it a lot: The Hope that Never Was.
*this was a phrase muttered to be by my beloved husband on realising he'd forgotten a vital ingredient from the supermarket for our lunch. We did put it down to oops.