Hey. Sorry for lack of post last week, am working hard to get my thesis finished, one of a gabillion projects I am well behind on.
Turns out the shoulder thing is a major nerve disorder, an immune-mediated attack on the group of nerves that run from my neck down through my left arm. I'm starting to regain movement, but with the movement comes the return of the pain, and it's still very, very weak.
It pains me to admit it, and I don't think I've actually admitted it at all, but I think I am trying to do too many things still. The parenting, the study, the blog, the volunteer work, the small paid work, the cartoons, drawing, painting, knitting, crochet, the paid blogging. Exercise, keeping up with friends. The book I started, the magazine articles. The failed food blog/instagram that I never publicised either, and still have the impulse to go back to ...
I've never been much good at focussing my energies. I think it shows up in my body, because I rarely feel I'm doing too much, I just suddenly get really sick. Or rupture something while I'm running distractedly between here and there. I've felt so old, so physically broken, this last month. I'm limping along, and I'll get to the finish line of my thesis, but it's time to face the reality that there are trade-offs. I either try to pack in everything I want to do and trade-off my physical wellbeing, or I prioritise my physical wellbeing and trade-off some of the things I want to do. And I do want to do all those things. More actually. All The Things!!! I can't bear the thought of letting go of any of them. And I can't bear the thought of putting myself through another major health break-down.
Cheery thoughts for a Sunday afternoon. I just needed to tell someone out loud, and you were it. And if you were interested, last week's challenge was to pick an ingredient from the pantry I bought but never used, and make a meal based on it. I hereby pass the challenge on to you. Go ye forth and create.
I'll be back in a week or two when I've made more thesis progress.