I've suddenly had an attack of the nerves writing this down for real. I counted how many years I have been blogging this morning, something like 8. I can't remember exactly. And if I think about it, it has kind of been like a voluntary part-time job for all that time, and my goodness, it has been good to me. I have loved it, and I love it still.
And yet. Lately I have been wondering if I want change in my life, how will that happen if nothing changes, and if something has to change, what will that thing be? A secret whisper in the back of my head that I have been trying to ignore, trying to drown out, says it is this place. At least temporarily. And why? I am not bored with it, I get as much out of it as I always have, which is a lot, and my plans to launch into a less introverted and more colourful blogging year were true and earnest plans.
It's because I have been wondering, what would I make, or paint, or write, if I wasn't thinking about it through the lens of a blog? I am sure it mostly works on a subconscious level, but I can't help after all these years to see my creative self as tied closely to my blog, and I think, I wonder, if that changes what I choose to do a little. Where would that same energy go if I wasn't thinking that someone was looking (even when they are not, even when they could care less)? What would I put it into?
Maybe nothing. Maybe it will dissipate and I will do even less things and become even more isolated. But maybe not. Either way, it's a question I find myself very much wanting to know the answer to.
My favourite thing about blogging is you, and I can't bring myself to say goodbye. So let's call it a sabbatical, let's imagine I am off on a big journey for a little while, a year say, and I will be back after that with lots of tales of where I went, and what I got up to. Also, I don't feel the same way about Instagram or Pinterest, for whatever reason, so I will still be floating about there. You didn't think I could entirely give up posting words and pictures to the interwebs, did you? Bahaha.
I'll meet you back here, if you like, 1 February 2015. Until then, be well. Things won't be the same without you.