One begins by plaguing oneself to no purpose in order to be true to nature, and one concludes by working quietly from one's own palette alone, and then nature is the result. - Vincent van Gogh
This was supposed to give me a break from my study, not distract me completely from it. It's distracting me completely from it. If I fail - well, I no longer care if I fail. Instead of climbing an ivory tower, I will make not-much-of-a living-whatsoever painting abstract impressionistic floral type riots of colour for the rest of my life instead.
The last few days have, in their own small way, been very hard days. Minor rejections or mistakes or obstacles cast bigger shadows than they should have because of a lifetime of major rejections and mistakes and obstacles. The sudden return to paint, and such bright, bright paint, was, I think, an antidote to the fear of never being either wholly welcome or just plain whole; these two are the theme songs of my days on earth. I think we all fear these a little, more or less. If not that, then something. I am reminded of Helen Keller, who said that the world is full of suffering and it is also full of overcoming. Pain is not to be avoided, but perhaps examined and understood. Joy too. All of everything. I think that wisdom comes no other way and at no less a cost.
So wise.
Posted by: blackbird | 10/16/2015 at 01:19 AM
Love, love, love the art.
Posted by: Marcie | 10/16/2015 at 01:39 AM
Thanks Marcie. It was fun to do, though it has really been taking me away from Important Things, which was not the idea at all.
Posted by: Megan Young | 10/16/2015 at 09:57 PM
painting got me through a rather murky patch....it still does. and it always lifts me out of the chaos and gives me perspective. if you'll pardon the Woo -- it opens up the channels to my instincts and my inner voice which, incidentally, never guides me wrongly [if only i listen].
it also serves as an excellent distraction to the Overwhelm.:)
still, i'd say it's probably one of the healthier coping mechanisms.....
xo
ps. i'm supposed to be getting food ready for a lunch party and yet i'm feeling curiously drawn to my tubes of paint.....*grin*
Posted by: mel | 10/18/2015 at 12:32 AM
I've been finding great solace in my first forays into painting these last few weeks, it is so absorbing, entirely distracting. you write well about feeling whole, and accepted, and yet from the outside you seem so true to yourself it's interesting to know that you, too, have those pre-occupations x
Posted by: katie | 10/19/2015 at 11:36 AM
better to be a little absorbed in paint than in wine......
Posted by: driftwood | 10/20/2015 at 08:06 AM